My Query Progression
Writing a query was one of the hardest parts of getting a literary agent. My second book didn’t get any requests, and while some of that may be from querying in the pandemic, I also know my query was not strong. Here’s how I made a difference for the book that got me an agent and a book deal.
What I sent to Pitch Wars (and later learned was not getting me to the top of the pile, as I only had one mentor request):
[Note: meta data like genre, word count, and comps were entered into separate fields on a Google Form]
Mentors,
Grace would rather spike a ball over the net in front of a cheering crowd than scribble fifty-three drafts of her latest poem in a notebook like her sister, Maddy. And Maddy would rather share secrets with her one best friend than balance a bursting social calendar (so she claims). The sisters have almost nothing in common. Except for disappearing on the same night from their senior camping trip.
After Grace is found on the road leading to camp—without her sister or any memories of the past five days—she’s determined to find Maddy. But by the time she remembers holding Maddy’s unconscious body in the nearby lake, it’s too late. The police find Maddy’s body, and after reading her private notebook from camp, they narrow their list of murder suspects to someone from the trip.
Until Grace can decipher the meaning behind Maddy’s poems and learn more about her sister’s fractured friendships and new romance, she’s more than Maddy’s sister. She’s a suspect. And the more Grace uncovers, the more uncertain she is of her innocence.
I’m an English teacher with a classroom full of brilliant young minds, fabulous YA novels, and an absurd number of rubber ducks.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
A revised draft I workshopped with other mentees:
Correctly spelled name,
[Stunning personalization here.] You may be interested in MIRRORS DON’T LIE, my YA thriller, complete at 66,000 words. It combines the mystery plotting of Kara Thomas’ That Weekend with the dual timeline and unreliable narrator of Tiffany Jackson’s Monday’s Not Coming.
When two sisters explore a mountain together, only one returns. Grace can't remember how her sister Maddy disappeared, and she wishes everyone would believe her—even the police think she’s lying. But it’s hard to look innocent with a missing girl’s blood on your clothes.
One week earlier, the sisters left for their senior trip in the mountains. Maddy—recently rejected for a poetry scholarship and abandoned by her only “friend” on her birthday—is tired of being left behind and overlooked. She’s ready to step out of the shadows and be someone new, which is exactly what senior sabbatical promises. But eighteen years of awkwardness doesn’t evaporate just because she’s locked in a mountain lodge with thirty peers playing games and learning life lessons. Despite befriending a shady roommate and practicing her flirting skills with the class clown, Maddy might not be ready for the drama, enemies, and danger that come with a new identity.
Without her memories of the trip, Grace is left to piece together notebook entries and classmates’ testimonies to find the truth. Maddy is out there somewhere, and unless Grace figures out what happened, she'll lose more than her sister. She’ll lose herself.
As a dual-POV flashing back and forth from before and after the disappearance, MIRRORS DON’T LIE is my 2021 Pitch Wars manuscript.
I’m an English teacher with a classroom full of brilliant young minds, fabulous YA novels, and an absurd number of rubber ducks.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Revised again with mentor (what I sent to my now-agent, and what she used in her sub letter to editors):
Thank you for your interest in my Pitch Wars 2021 manuscript. MIRRORS DON’T LIE is a YA thriller, complete at 66,000 words. Told in dual timelines and POVs, it combines the mystery of Kara Thomas’ That Weekend with the unreliable narrator of Tiffany Jackson’s Monday’s Not Coming.
When two sisters leave their senior trip to explore a mountain, only one returns. Grace can't remember how her sister Maddy disappeared, and even the police think she’s lying. But it’s hard to look innocent with a missing girl’s blood on your clothes.
One week earlier, Maddy—recently rejected for a poetry scholarship and abandoned by her only friend on her birthday—is tired of living in her sister’s shadow. She’s ready to become someone new, which is exactly what an exclusive trip for graduating seniors promises. But eighteen years of awkwardness doesn’t evaporate just because she’s locked in a mountain lodge with thirty peers playing games and learning life lessons. Maddy quickly learns that breaking out of her shell comes with a cost. Her shady roommate has her taking risks that could get her expelled and ruin her relationship with her sister.
Without her memories of the trip, Grace must piece together notebook entries and classmates’ testimonies to discover how her sister disappeared. Rumors of a yelling match and brutally honest letters leave Grace worried she might be digging for a truth better left buried. But Maddy is in the forest somewhere, and unless Grace can find her sister, she'll never clear her conscience or her name.
I’m an English teacher with a classroom full of brilliant young minds, fabulous YA novels, and an absurd number of rubber ducks.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
