Why I’m so glad I didn’t get a book deal with my first book

When I started writing, that was the dream: publish the book that took me months and months to write. I told myself it would all be worth it if I got an agent with that book and got a book deal.

Now, I am so thankful my dreams didn’t come true!

First, I can’t emphasize enough how much I have learned about writing and story structure since I began writing in 2017. That first book simply wasn’t ready, and even if I’d revised and revised and revised, I’m not sure I could take that flawed premise and create a sellable book.

However, the bigger reason I’m glad I never sold my first book is because if I had, I’m not sure I’d have ever written a second.

This isn’t because my dreams would have come true and there’d be nothing left to work toward. Anyone who has moved forward in publishing (or probably any goal) knows that once you hit one milestone, human nature is to move the goalpost and now achieve the next one.

Instead, I am now more aware than ever how hard writing a second book really is. It is common writing knowledge that the “sophomore slump” is very real. When I was still querying, I thought this referred to simply writing a second book. Afterall, the first one was such a feat, could I really attempt climbing that mountain again?

Well, I did write another book! And I didn’t think writing it was so bad! In fact, since I got to apply all I’d learned on book one, drafting it went better than book 1! The problem was I got no agent requests and had too much trouble seeing the flaws of my story and knowing how to revise them.

Still, after my third book got me my agent and my book deal, I thought the second book after a published one would be relatively easy. If I’m getting better with each book, it should be, right?

I mistakenly thought that since I have a two-book deal, life would be easier. Logic says that if your publisher already bought the book before you even gave them an idea, they have confidence in you and the pressure should be removed!

If only writing and logic played so nicely together.

Many writers struggle writing book 2 because reviews for book 1 are in their head, and aside from the negative reviews planting seeds of doubt in their ability, positive reviews can also mess with a writer! If readers love it, there’s pressure not to disappoint fans.

My struggle, however, seems to be uniquely tied to my people-pleasing qualities, something my agent acutely picked up on. Since my publisher already bought this book, I obviously want to make them a satisfied customer.

I never thought of myself as holding my writing to be “precious”. I’m pretty ruthless in revision. However, I have learned something key: I have to have a vision for the revisions, or else I’m floundering. This, as you can imagine, can create conflict in also trying to take in revision notes.

My agent said something really important: my name goes on the cover. I don’t have to “ask permission” to tell the story I want to tell. This doesn’t mean I put my foot down and ignore the wisdom of professionals in the industry! Far from it!

But I have to see myself as a professional in the industry too.

That’s not easy. I can only imagine how much more I might be struggling if I had literally never written any other book besides Silent Sister. Forget worrying about being a one-hit wonder; I’d be worrying about my ability to even reach “the end” again!

Often when our dreams aren’t coming true the way we’ve imagined, it’s easy for the heartache and doubts to set in. Those trials, however, can build our persistence and confidence for the road ahead.

So yes, I’m very glad my first book didn’t get me an agent or a book deal.